Things that make you go hmmmm....

So I find out tomorrow if work will work around my school schedule...

The great thing about that, is that I had a talk with one of the Directors last night and he expressed that he would like for me to stay on doing what I'm doing and in a nutshell, they're happy with my performance. I let him know that if I can't get the days off that I need, then I'm willing to drop those classes since, let's be honest, bills come first and I appreciate having a job. He let me know that "not having a job (being unemployed) is the least of my worries," and that they consider school to be important. He also mentioned that he distinctly remembered a conversation that they had previously in which they had decided that working around my school schedule wasn't going to be a problem, but seeing as the other Director was out of town, he was going to double check once more and get back to me.

I fully understand that things may not work out the way I'd like and I may not get to take the classes I need to graduate (which aren't available online), but it's not a total loss - I can still take online classes in the meantime (which have recently included Creative Writing, Graphic Arts and Web Design classes so that I can round out my experience and skills for the publishing industry). Plus I still have my internship this semester at the magazine and will probably see if I can pick up a freelance writing internship at another local weekly entertainment publication (yes, I can never be too busy). It was just refreshing to feel valued for the hard work that I put in (I worked from 11am-8pm and then 10pm-3am yesterday, without complaint) and it was nice to know that even though we're in the Industry, that they still consider an education to be important.

I've also been thinking about the quality of life that I have here in S-town (Sin City) versus the life I would have in LALA land. I recently did a local apartment search (since my lease is ending which prompted the thought of relocation), and found that I'm being ripped the f*ck off at my current condo complex. I'm paying a "G" here for a close to 1000 square foot, one bedroom apartment. Granted, it's "luxury" or whatever with a walk in "wardrobe", big bathroom with garden tub and vanity, crown molding, etc. But honestly, I'm hardly even home! I can only assume that my dog enjoys the crown molding. LOL. I guess rental prices have dropped because I saw bigger apartments with better features, like a den (cause I wouldn't mind having an office) and an attached garage for less money or a little more than what I pay now. I'm currently using my dining room area as a makeshift office with my desk and book shelves. I sacrificed the space instead of getting a dining set cause as I said, I'm barely ever home and generally eat on my couch or over my sink.

In LA, I couldn't even get an apartment for a Grand and if I decide to live in West LA (which I heart), I would be paying upwards of $1400 for a 500 square foot studio with street parking. I would have to trade in my car for a cheaper one with a lower payment (which would be the prudent thing to do) and pray that I found a decent job before I ran through my savings.

Some people are generally surprised that since I'm single, that I don't have or desire to live with roommates to save on expenses every month. It's not that I'm unsociable (it's actually quite the opposite), but I enjoy having my own space and it's nice to not have to feel like I'm encroaching on someone because of the odd hours I keep. Plus, it's a little hard with pets since I'm highly overprotective (in fact crazy protective, which I'm happy to admit) over my Pom.

I mean, I would love to live in a real city like Los Angeles, but I have to admit, that without an excess of funds at my disposal, I'll probably live a crappy (though cultured) lifestyle. Plus, working here in the Industry does have it's perks (and I'm not bragging by any means - trust me). If I want to go out to any of the nightclubs that our club has a relationship with on a night that we're not open, I can generally hop over to our club's VIP table where I'll be able to indulge in either Grey Goose, Patron Silver or some kind of champagne - on the house. Why you ask? Simply for the sake of networking. On our club's industry night, once I get off of work, I can hop onto any of my other Industry friend's tables and enjoy "couch back sitting" whilst listening to the wonderful DJ and sound system and enjoy the company and performances of random celebrities. Why you ask, yet again? Again, for the sake of networking. Case in point, last night I got off of work, proceeded to my Homeboy's table, and within 5 minutes, handed one of my business cards to every person at his table AND at least 6 people on the surrounding tables (it's second nature at this point).

On the other hand, LA offers the promise of a relatively normal life where work could be left at work and wouldn't be so much of a "lifestyle" - and trust me, work here really is a lifestyle.

A girl that I had met when I first moved to Vegas wrote me the other day. She mentioned that she "remembered" what I was like "before I got into the industry." Told me that I was naive and a total sweetheart. She mentioned that I'm still a sweetheart, but not as naive and I've changed in the sense that I have become less of a pushover and can be a total b*tch when it's absolutely necessary for me to be so. She didn't mean it in a demeaning sense, but it was so true that it made me stop, and pause. Made me think what I may change into (and I'm trying my best to keep my morals and values) if I continue on this path. After all, this is Sin City. I got a huge reminder of it when a coworker (who is a relative Sin City newbie) talked about the madness that was the AVN (read: PORN) convention. He went on to mention the "forwardness" of some of the girls and couples and told me of a random story where he ended up in a hotel room at 4am and spent the night with someone he didn't really know. I swear it on my life that I'm not accustomed to doing such things, but all I could do was laugh at him (he had this sort of deer in headlights look). Made me realize that I'm so jaded that normal things that wouldn't be acceptable in most of America, are so normal to me that it doesn't even phase me anymore.

Plus, I hate to even say this in a blog, but what the hell, I'm not ashamed... I'm seriously thinking of requesting time off from work to get plastic surgery. Yes, I am thinking of an augmentation. And not one of those drastic ones, but yes, a boob job. Further proof that Sin City is changing this country girl.

You probably think I'm pretty crazy for putting this out there, but I have no shame in speaking my mind. I said it before and I'll say it again, the beauty of an obscure blog.

I mean I know it sounds like (and I probably am) going through the crisis of someone who is nearing their thirties and is unsatisfied with their life. All this want for drastic change just tells me that psychologically I feel as if these changes will prompt some sort of satisfaction, if not distraction of my day-to-day life (yes, I've psychoanalyzed myself, kinda crazy, but absolutely necessary at times). It's funny... The second I stopped looking to distract myself by random acts and random acts of partying (aka drinking), I began to analyze my life more and feel that a void does exist.

Maybe I should go back to the random partying - LOL (and kidding btw)

What's a girl to do?

*sigh*