The beginning of the rest of my life

Mood: sick and confused

People always use that phrase when they reminisce... I'm not going to apologize for cursing or my style of writing (since it's not all too profession-ale) - after all, that is why I created this blog to begin with, to write openly and freely ... And yes, that was a mental note to myself. I remember what I thought was the beginning of the rest of my life and now I feel like I'm at one of those crucial junctures that in the future I'll be able to once again call, "The beginning of the rest of my life." I don't even know if that made sense.

The end of a failing, miserable, fc*ked up relationship was the beginning of the rest of my life. He was a complete and total a*shole (who was abusive both physically and verbally), but at the time, I thought he was the world. How effing more wrong could I have been? And before you get me wrong, this isn't a "pity party," I'm really just venting. Anyway, when me and Dumba*s split, it lit a fire under my a*s and pissed me off more than anything.

**as a side note, I should mention that despite the failed (hella fc*ked up) relationship, we're now friends. Oh, and not like that either. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole - LOL. It's more of a "we've been together for so long that we know each other way too well" friendship.**

Anyway, what was my solution to the break-up? Drop my entire life and move to Las Vegas. Everyone thought I was crazy, but deep down inside, I knew I was doing the right thing. Part of me knew that I was running away and I'm not that naive to be able to admit that. At the time, I was a Life and Financial Services Agent for one of the top Insurance companies in America. I wasn't doing too shabby at all - made my own schedule and sales appointments, worked when I wanted to... Made an obscene amount of money for very little work (there's a sales job for you). I dropped it all, shipped my car and started my life all over again. Call it a whim, call it sh*ts and giggles... Somehow, I made it work and am not doing bad at all. I've been through a ton of experiences, none of which I would change for the world. Makes me who I am... I needed to start all over again to find myself. I had lost my sense of self in the seven (yes, that's right seven) year relationship.

I always knew that Las Vegas wouldn't be forever, but rather that it was a pit stop in the journey that is my life. Now, as I did two years ago, I stand in the middle of a fork in the road. Do I stay? Do I go (to Los Angeles)?

There isn't anything tying me down to anything (ie: relationship). I'll be honest, it can get a whole lot lonely, but freedom has it's perks. Then again, maybe I'm just bitter from my last relationship (yes, yes, I'm damaged goods).

*ugh*

As of right now, I'm 90% sure I want to move and I'm too lazy to get into the details of why, though I'm sure I'll write about it sooner or later.

**today's etc**

I called in sick from work today... I couldn't even get out of bed this morning. Way too tired after all the work they had me doing over the holidays. I used to love my job. *ugh* Now, with the changes that they've made - what I'm doing no longer makes sense in the grand scheme of things. I hate laying around the house and being lazy. I hate being worried that one of the directors or the owner will get pissed at me for being sick (and this is the first time that I've ever called in - I usually work through it). At least my dog actually got to spend some time with me... I hate that I caught a cold from my dingbat coworkers. Who knows where they've been or should I say what they've been in? Sometimes just being in the same room as them makes me feel dirty. *Yuck* **Note to self: bring more antibacterial hand gel**

xOxO ~

::Pink Sox::