[Pondering] ...the meaning of life is absolutely pointless.
I really should be studying for my Sociology, Latin and Astrology classes, but instead I'm taking the time to blog about absolute randomness.
Once upon a time I used to get philosophical with myself and try to determine the rhyme and reason for everything that happens. In essence, question my life and my reason for being. Now I'm old enough to know better. I mean at it's very basic (in my opinion), life is all about making choices and dealing with the consequences. In talking to a really good childhood friend today, I came to the realization that dealing with life means becoming mentally fit to handle the situations you are given, whether they be decisions that need to be made, have made or will make, or the simple acceptance of reality.
I've become a great deal jaded since moving to Sin City and I'm beginning to wonder if I am so because of the separation that exists between myself and my environment. Everyone eventually evolves to becomes the product of their environment (basic anthropology) and I am trying desperately to cling to the small portion of me that is that small-town girl. My jadedness is either a direct result of that, or possibly because I've become so bored with myself and my life that it takes a great deal to excite me these days. Crazy as it sounds, I'm hoping it's the former versus the latter. Seems like these days the most successful people are like robots. Thinking, computing, calculating and doing, without any emotion whatsoever.
Logic is greater than emotion 99% of the time.
So as part of me still ponders where it is that I belong in this big, bad world, the other 80% of me functions without stopping to even ask the simple question of, "why?" Which, of course leads me to the obvious - Am I simply choosing to exist or am I actually living my life? And if I'm simply choosing to exist, then does it really matter for me to continue to chase the elusive proverbial, "happily ever after?" (And by this I mean the proverbial happy ending, not etitrely specific to the whole Prince Charming, white picket fence deal)
Beware young'ns out there - the mid-mid-life crisis bites. I guess that's what life is all about - living, loving, laughing and self-discovery.
The child in me wants to stay a romantic at heart, remain naive, see the world through rose-colored lenses and believe that there is some good in the world. The woman in me knows better, in that there is no such thing as actual "good," morals are extremely relative and majority of the world is out there to get their own.
At the end of the day, all I can hope for is a smile on my face and the feeling of some sort of contentment without completely losing myself and conforming to the mold.
Perhaps the only formula for success is the unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings... I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you set no condition. ~ Arthur Rubinstein
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
**as a side note, I noticed I never finished my post on last weekend. Eh, it's a lost cause at this point. This past weekend was longer than the previous, didn't think that would be possible. *shrugs*
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