RIP MJ

Unfortunately, time contraints are preventing me from posting what I would really like to write about the greatest Pop Icon and one of the most influential music artists of our time.

RIP MJ

...and yes, the Man in the Mirror because I've been feeling this song lately, especially in it's relation to my crazy life.

And the kid makes a comeback...

I haven't blogged about anything in a minute... I've either been (1) slacking or (2) busy - it's honestly been a combination of both.

For all of the 3 people that follow this blog or have been anyway, I am happy to report that I am now living in Los Angeles part-time, Marina del Rey actually. I honestly like it there. It's strange going back and forth from city to city, but when I'm in LA, I feel like I have a somewhat normal life. I wake up and go get coffee and breakfast (or make it at home), head to get some work done, meet semi-normal people etc, etc. In bed sober by a decent hour.... Now, one might be thinking how in the world I can call the superficial City of Angels, "normal". Let's just say that in comparison to the party capital of the world - Vegas, it is most definitely normal. Especially when you work in the nightlife scene.

Partial anonimity is so awesome - allows me the opportunity to vent about the crazy sh*t in my life.

I've begun to accept the fact that either:

(1) all men are dirtbag idiots

or

(2) due to the fact that I work in the nightlife, all men think they can act like dirtbag jerk-offs

It is indeed most definitely a combination of both. Part of my job is to be a "fun" person. As one coworker so poignantly put it, we're not librarians. We wouldn't be doing what we're doing if we didn't have a grasp of the "party life." Now a lot of baggage comes with this, for both males and females. We meet A LOT of people all the time. It really is part of the job description to be able to be very social. And sometimes I think that the lines get blurred about what people begin to feel is an acceptable way to treat us, almost as if anything goes (well, more than what most people would be accustomed to in any situation).

No wonder I'm still single. It's so annoying when people ask me if I'm involved in a relationship and then upon hearing that I'm not, immediately default to, "Why?" Up until now, I had no way to answer that and now - I do. It's because:

(1) I haven't met the right person yet

(2) People I do meet are jerks, the ones who are decent have other issues and complexes or are just plain weird.

(3) The ones who aren't jerks are either:

(a) married
(b) engaged
(c) already involved in a serious relationship

(4) The ones who are single are way to overprotective, jealous, controlling and try to run my life, or tell me what I can and cannot do.

Believe me, some people get lonely and frustrated over being single... I, on the other hand, get frustrated not because I'm single, but because of all the baggage that has most recently come with it.




Even with the anonymity, I can't go into specific details, so you're going to have to get creative and think up your own story with the words found below.


Overnight bag Work Accidentally Clothes Left Athlete
Home Son Girlfriend Unwittingly No Clue Behind Jerk Father
Visit In-town Cheated Homerun


So yeah - I vented. Whoop Whoop for me. I' ve begun to think that I make really bad decisions when slightly inebriated, that I'm too naive for my own good and that I need to learn how to be more of an assertive b*tch instead of being such a nice person. I also need to learn to ask new people I meet if they are either involved with anyone, have any children with whom they are still seeing their baby's mama or are engaged or married. If I would have learned to do that awhile ago, I wouldn't be having any of these problems (which FYI, are much greater than the words listed above).

Ay Dios Mio! I'm probably going to go to hell and be the nicest person there. The worst part about all this is that I'm way to hard on myself. Regrettably I can't just laugh it off because in all honesty even though I was the one who got done wrong and the innocent party, I still feel bad.


FML.

The sad thing is that I'm beginning to think that these a*ses are making my physically abusive ex-boyfriend look good. Yes, it's that bad.

At least I'm not this guy - LOL.

Face Down

Craziness... I heard about this earlier this week and was a bit taken aback. I guess you can't be too famous to be ghetto [LOL]. In all honesty, though take it from someone who actually understands what it's like. Wow.

Down Time

Just got home from class and wow was it amazingly hard to get up at 8am this morning. I didn't do a darned thing last night except for relax after what turned out to be a long day. I actually fell asleep while watching Slumdog Millionaire, immediately after getting off of the phone with the "dreaded ex," who is not so much the dreaded ex as he is a friend. Did I just admit to owning a bootleg? Eh. Oh well. LOL.

Apparently the Ex's new GF with whom the situation is "complicated," (and that's based off of what he tells me - personally I don't really care), is insecure and jealous that we remain friends. I stay the f*ck out of it and told him that he needs to handle his business, because I don't need her g*ddamn drama. He says it's her last ditch effort to keep him around as he's moving out (they live together) next week. As I said earlier, I don't really care. We were together for 7 years and basically went through a lot of growing pains together. It's really tough to not remain friends as we know each other like the backs of our own hands. Relationship wise, it's done AND done. I wouldn't dream of even being in any kind of romantic relationship with the dude. *shrugs* In fact, I tell him EVERYTHING that goes on in my life now.

I spent the larger part of 6 hours at a photo shoot yesterday. Just not my thing. Hopefully I get some kind of shots that I'm happy with out of this one. I think the last time I shot anything on that grand of a scale was in 2004 in Hawaii. That photographer (Russell Tanoue) was absolutely amazing and a pleasure to work with. It's just too much of a fuss and too much work! Yes, taking pictures is hard work and surprisingly exhausting.

On a random note, I've begin to call myself the girl version of Chuck (as in Good Luck Chuck). Seems like everyone that I seem to find myself "associated" with either has a girlfriend or fiancee, with whom they conveniently "forget" to mention. Dear L*rd living in Las Vegas is making me a bonafide homewrecker. It's like, "Get with her and you'll find the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life immediately after!" I'm kidding BTW. I'm just not that kind of girl. It just gets tough when Mr. X still wants to "keep in touch" after leaving town and after I am aware of the relationship. And believe me, I'm no homewrecker. I still can't figure out what it is about me that makes me seem to be "that girl." One of my coworkers thinks that it's because I'm completely easy-going and extremely easy to get along with. I guess I'm really good at getting others to feel comfortable around me. *shrugs* I should write a book. It's amazing the situations I find myself in. Absolutely amazing. I mean I'm always down to be anyone's friend, but not at my expense nor theirs. *shrugs*

G*d damn maybe I should be a hermit - then life would be more simple. LOL - I seriously need to write a book. Trust me, this blog might be "anonymous," but I'm still cautious about the facts and details that I disclose. Believe me, if you knew of it, it would blow your mind at how amazingly "unlucky" I am. For some odd reason, things that usually wouldn't happen, or have a slim to none chance of happening, tend to happen to me. I'm waiting for those odds to work in my favor so I can either win the lottery or the Megabucks. HA!

This town is absolute madness. I just have to keep telling myself everyday that I'm in it to win it. In it for me and my future. That I need to sacrifice a little in order to gain a lot.

:PinKSoX:

The Vitruvian Man

[Pondering] ...the meaning of life is absolutely pointless.

I really should be studying for my Sociology, Latin and Astrology classes, but instead I'm taking the time to blog about absolute randomness.

Once upon a time I used to get philosophical with myself and try to determine the rhyme and reason for everything that happens. In essence, question my life and my reason for being. Now I'm old enough to know better. I mean at it's very basic (in my opinion), life is all about making choices and dealing with the consequences. In talking to a really good childhood friend today, I came to the realization that dealing with life means becoming mentally fit to handle the situations you are given, whether they be decisions that need to be made, have made or will make, or the simple acceptance of reality.

I've become a great deal jaded since moving to Sin City and I'm beginning to wonder if I am so because of the separation that exists between myself and my environment. Everyone eventually evolves to becomes the product of their environment (basic anthropology) and I am trying desperately to cling to the small portion of me that is that small-town girl. My jadedness is either a direct result of that, or possibly because I've become so bored with myself and my life that it takes a great deal to excite me these days. Crazy as it sounds, I'm hoping it's the former versus the latter. Seems like these days the most successful people are like robots. Thinking, computing, calculating and doing, without any emotion whatsoever.


Logic is greater than emotion 99% of the time.

So as part of me still ponders where it is that I belong in this big, bad world, the other 80% of me functions without stopping to even ask the simple question of, "why?" Which, of course leads me to the obvious - Am I simply choosing to exist or am I actually living my life? And if I'm simply choosing to exist, then does it really matter for me to continue to chase the elusive proverbial, "happily ever after?" (And by this I mean the proverbial happy ending, not etitrely specific to the whole Prince Charming, white picket fence deal)

Beware young'ns out there - the mid-mid-life crisis bites. I guess that's what life is all about - living, loving, laughing and self-discovery.

The child in me wants to stay a romantic at heart, remain naive, see the world through rose-colored lenses and believe that there is some good in the world. The woman in me knows better, in that there is no such thing as actual "good," morals are extremely relative and majority of the world is out there to get their own.

At the end of the day, all I can hope for is a smile on my face and the feeling of some sort of contentment without completely losing myself and conforming to the mold.

Perhaps the only formula for success is the unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings... I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you set no condition. ~ Arthur Rubinstein

Veni.Vidi.Vici.

**as a side note, I noticed I never finished my post on last weekend. Eh, it's a lost cause at this point. This past weekend was longer than the previous, didn't think that would be possible. *shrugs*

Monday *ugh* My Weekend Part 1

**I just read this after I posted and I want to apologize for the terrible writing. I have an amazingly huge headache and honestly just feel like sh*t.**

I had a rough weekend. Probably one of the rougher ones that I've had in a while. Friday started with me wearing business attire to work (which never happens, I'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl). That should have gave me a clue that the weekend would be "outside the box". I ended up opting for a pencil skirt and blouse rather than the usual jeans and tee since I had a fresh and brand new tattoo on my left foot. The day went by quickly, I left the office, ate dinner on property* and headed to the club to work. Got off of work at 1230am and decided to head over to another local club. One of my homeboy's from the Bay (he's a marketing and talent freelance agent), had booked Tila Tequila and wanted me to come say hello. As tired as I was, I decided to get over there cause everytime Nate's in town I never get to hang out. I get to said nightclub and am amazingly tired and sober - a bad combination. I also was a little anxious as I hadn't been to this particular property since I was drugged (yes, I was drugged with GHB but not assaulted). Once I'm inside the club I head straight back to the VIP section where Nate is and the bouncer gives me a little bit of a hard time. I quickly learned that the reason the dude gave me a hard time was because Nate was actually at Tila's table. She's pretty cool, def down to earth in person and really tiny. I somehow thought she was a bit taller *shrugs* I hung out for a little while until a girl that was outside of the VIP section had tried to throw her drink at Tila, but ended up hitting me instead (I was standing directly in front of Tila). Fan-freaking-tastic. So, my wet back (and no, I'm not Mexican) caused my early departure.

Great indication of things to come...

To be continued...

something new, something borrowed...

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Or more like black and blue...

No, I'm not getting married (pfftttt - that'll be the day). Accomplished one thing on my resolution list this week. I did the "something new" thing. Went snowboarding and loved it. I know I look like a total girly girl, but I did the unconventional sport thing when I was younger (well, sort of). I ice skated for years, even took figure skating lessons - but I prefer to skate on hockey skates any day of the week over the frills, leotard and tutu. I did the cheerleading, dancing (I even had a 3 month stint where I desperately tried to breakdance) and gymnastics.

Now here's the crazy thing - I'm so tenacious that I will literally stop at nothing if I have my mind set on learning to do something. This creates problems because I tend to end up hurting myself.

Case in point : Cheerleading. When I was 13, because I had my heart set on making the NCA (National Cheerleading Association) All-American team, I practiced and practiced and practiced for try-outs. I ended up making the team, but I overworked myself so hard that I pulled my groin and hamstring.

Case in point: Gymnastics. When I was 14, I was completely bent on learning to do a side aerial. I ended up learning how to do it, but it cost me a torn tendon in my left knee (which still bothers me from time to time).

Case in point: Breakdancing. I'll make it short - I was learning how to flare and ended up hitting the side of my foot on cement (it was swollen for a week).

I believe you get the point. I try something, I get hell bent on doing it and I end up hurting myself. I'm sure the fact that I'm very accident prone doesn't help.


After only two hours on a snowboard (as in ever in my life), my instructor tells me I'm ready to head up the hill and graduate from the bunny slope. In his defense, I did pick it up pretty easily despite the horrible icy conditions that Mt. Charleston is known for. I had no idea what to expect so I head up the lift with him. I get to the top of the hill, where I'm deathly afraid as some of the slopes looked steep and alot of freestyle turning and maneuvering was required. My instructor ensured me that I was ready for it. Halfway down the hill, I took a spill and fell on my rear. Anyone who's snowboarded before will tell you that one of the hardest things to do when you're a beginner is to get back up on the board after you've fallen. To make it worse, I was on a slope, so everytime I tried to get up, I ended up sliding down the hill a few feet. My instructor Felipe decides to give me a hand up which I gladly take. It's at this point that he...

shakes my hand ever so politely and says (in his Chilean accent),

"It was very nice meeting you... but I must go now to the bottom of the hill, I have another student waiting."

And off he goes down the mountain, just like that. I literally start laughing at my own hard luck as it reminded me of some crazy SNL skit. Even though I was laughing, I knew I was screwed. I figured I may as well as laugh it up...

Anyway, surprisingly enough I made it down 3/4 of the way in relatively good shape until... *big sigh* I was trying to carve on my toe edge on a slightly steeper slope and lost my balance. The board's edge got caught deep in the snow/ice and I was sent teetering forward. I raised my hands to protect my face (which was a huge mistake). This ended up exposing my ribs to the fall and since I was on a slope, I ended smacking my ribs square against the snow. Had the snow at Charleston been a little powdery, the impact wouldn't have been as hard, but the snow up there is packed and frozen. It was like hitting concrete. I couldn't move (literally) for about 5 minutes and then brought myself to my knees where I curled over holding back the tears. I had snow all over my face and glasses plus the blow knocked the wind out of me. I looked exactly like that picture over there, but instead of powder, imagine a frozen kind of packed icy snow. *ugh*

I collected myself enough to finish the run (and was quite proud that the snow patrol didn't have to come get me - LOL) and despite the pain, went right back up after a Jaeger/Red Bull. I'm sure the alcohol helped - ALOT.

And you know what? Even though I have a few bruised ribs (and I really do - no exaggeration there), I can't wait to get back on the hill. Am I crazy? Come on now - no surprise there. *duh* =p

<3

PinKSoX

Yes I Can

I've closely examined my schedule and have come to the realization that between work, school and my internship, I barely have time for anything. Between trying to pencil in grocery shopping and playtime for the Pomeranian, I have decided that the only place in which I can find time is during the time that I have for sleep.

So, that means earlier mornings to make time for the gym and later nights to make time for homework and yoga.

I'm making it a point to make 2009 a year to remember and knock out all those resolutions I made - which reminds me, I don't think I've shared them. Maybe disclosing these "publicly" will help me stick to them. Besides, all of them are very realistic and there should be no reason for me to fail (other than laziness).

My parents say I lack self-discipline. I don't know that that's entirely true, but it's just their way of being politically correct (so as not to blame themselves - LOL), when they really want to say that they think I'm spoiled.

Eh. *shrugs* Anyway... I want to:

1. Try something new at least once a month
2. Make myself like Bikram Yoga (I like regular Yoga, but this stuff is like torture)
3. Take better care of myself.
*I'm not getting any younger and working nights and living in the desert is tough on my skin. So, this includes skin creams (yuck, but I'm beginning to need them), exercising regularly and eating better.
4. Quit smoking (I'm well on my way! Yay!)
5. Making and adhering to a schedule that will be beneficial for me, work, school and my internship.
6. Set short and long term goals and a plan to achieve them.
7. Stop being so hard on myself.
8. Watch more TV - yes, I said MORE.
9. Finally go back home (Hawaii) to visit.
10. Go see the Lion King at Mandalay when it opens, Criss Angel's Believe at the Luxor and the Phantom at the Venetian.
*Only problem with this is that these usually require a "date". I don't date - or rather I haven't been dating or on a date in a long, long while. I'm brave enough to hit the movies solo, but I don't know about going to a show. I've been dying to see these though. *ugh*
11. Get a social life.
*This is probably the most impossible of the lot. It seems like I have one, but trust me, looks are deceiving. I really don't.

Good luck me.

well.......

Alright, work decided to accommodate my school schedule. Hooray! So I guess that definitely makes up my mind in terms of "the move." I'm enrolled full time this semester and also have my internship and work. My plate's pretty full at the moment, but that's just the way I like it. LA will have to wait. Seems like it's the smart thing to do at this time in my life, so I'm not really worried about it. Sin City will remain home for the time being.

So much to do, so little time.

<3

dorkus maximus

This just makes me happy. I know, I know, I'm such a dork. =p

xOX0 - PiNKSoX

Things that make you go hmmmm....

So I find out tomorrow if work will work around my school schedule...

The great thing about that, is that I had a talk with one of the Directors last night and he expressed that he would like for me to stay on doing what I'm doing and in a nutshell, they're happy with my performance. I let him know that if I can't get the days off that I need, then I'm willing to drop those classes since, let's be honest, bills come first and I appreciate having a job. He let me know that "not having a job (being unemployed) is the least of my worries," and that they consider school to be important. He also mentioned that he distinctly remembered a conversation that they had previously in which they had decided that working around my school schedule wasn't going to be a problem, but seeing as the other Director was out of town, he was going to double check once more and get back to me.

I fully understand that things may not work out the way I'd like and I may not get to take the classes I need to graduate (which aren't available online), but it's not a total loss - I can still take online classes in the meantime (which have recently included Creative Writing, Graphic Arts and Web Design classes so that I can round out my experience and skills for the publishing industry). Plus I still have my internship this semester at the magazine and will probably see if I can pick up a freelance writing internship at another local weekly entertainment publication (yes, I can never be too busy). It was just refreshing to feel valued for the hard work that I put in (I worked from 11am-8pm and then 10pm-3am yesterday, without complaint) and it was nice to know that even though we're in the Industry, that they still consider an education to be important.

I've also been thinking about the quality of life that I have here in S-town (Sin City) versus the life I would have in LALA land. I recently did a local apartment search (since my lease is ending which prompted the thought of relocation), and found that I'm being ripped the f*ck off at my current condo complex. I'm paying a "G" here for a close to 1000 square foot, one bedroom apartment. Granted, it's "luxury" or whatever with a walk in "wardrobe", big bathroom with garden tub and vanity, crown molding, etc. But honestly, I'm hardly even home! I can only assume that my dog enjoys the crown molding. LOL. I guess rental prices have dropped because I saw bigger apartments with better features, like a den (cause I wouldn't mind having an office) and an attached garage for less money or a little more than what I pay now. I'm currently using my dining room area as a makeshift office with my desk and book shelves. I sacrificed the space instead of getting a dining set cause as I said, I'm barely ever home and generally eat on my couch or over my sink.

In LA, I couldn't even get an apartment for a Grand and if I decide to live in West LA (which I heart), I would be paying upwards of $1400 for a 500 square foot studio with street parking. I would have to trade in my car for a cheaper one with a lower payment (which would be the prudent thing to do) and pray that I found a decent job before I ran through my savings.

Some people are generally surprised that since I'm single, that I don't have or desire to live with roommates to save on expenses every month. It's not that I'm unsociable (it's actually quite the opposite), but I enjoy having my own space and it's nice to not have to feel like I'm encroaching on someone because of the odd hours I keep. Plus, it's a little hard with pets since I'm highly overprotective (in fact crazy protective, which I'm happy to admit) over my Pom.

I mean, I would love to live in a real city like Los Angeles, but I have to admit, that without an excess of funds at my disposal, I'll probably live a crappy (though cultured) lifestyle. Plus, working here in the Industry does have it's perks (and I'm not bragging by any means - trust me). If I want to go out to any of the nightclubs that our club has a relationship with on a night that we're not open, I can generally hop over to our club's VIP table where I'll be able to indulge in either Grey Goose, Patron Silver or some kind of champagne - on the house. Why you ask? Simply for the sake of networking. On our club's industry night, once I get off of work, I can hop onto any of my other Industry friend's tables and enjoy "couch back sitting" whilst listening to the wonderful DJ and sound system and enjoy the company and performances of random celebrities. Why you ask, yet again? Again, for the sake of networking. Case in point, last night I got off of work, proceeded to my Homeboy's table, and within 5 minutes, handed one of my business cards to every person at his table AND at least 6 people on the surrounding tables (it's second nature at this point).

On the other hand, LA offers the promise of a relatively normal life where work could be left at work and wouldn't be so much of a "lifestyle" - and trust me, work here really is a lifestyle.

A girl that I had met when I first moved to Vegas wrote me the other day. She mentioned that she "remembered" what I was like "before I got into the industry." Told me that I was naive and a total sweetheart. She mentioned that I'm still a sweetheart, but not as naive and I've changed in the sense that I have become less of a pushover and can be a total b*tch when it's absolutely necessary for me to be so. She didn't mean it in a demeaning sense, but it was so true that it made me stop, and pause. Made me think what I may change into (and I'm trying my best to keep my morals and values) if I continue on this path. After all, this is Sin City. I got a huge reminder of it when a coworker (who is a relative Sin City newbie) talked about the madness that was the AVN (read: PORN) convention. He went on to mention the "forwardness" of some of the girls and couples and told me of a random story where he ended up in a hotel room at 4am and spent the night with someone he didn't really know. I swear it on my life that I'm not accustomed to doing such things, but all I could do was laugh at him (he had this sort of deer in headlights look). Made me realize that I'm so jaded that normal things that wouldn't be acceptable in most of America, are so normal to me that it doesn't even phase me anymore.

Plus, I hate to even say this in a blog, but what the hell, I'm not ashamed... I'm seriously thinking of requesting time off from work to get plastic surgery. Yes, I am thinking of an augmentation. And not one of those drastic ones, but yes, a boob job. Further proof that Sin City is changing this country girl.

You probably think I'm pretty crazy for putting this out there, but I have no shame in speaking my mind. I said it before and I'll say it again, the beauty of an obscure blog.

I mean I know it sounds like (and I probably am) going through the crisis of someone who is nearing their thirties and is unsatisfied with their life. All this want for drastic change just tells me that psychologically I feel as if these changes will prompt some sort of satisfaction, if not distraction of my day-to-day life (yes, I've psychoanalyzed myself, kinda crazy, but absolutely necessary at times). It's funny... The second I stopped looking to distract myself by random acts and random acts of partying (aka drinking), I began to analyze my life more and feel that a void does exist.

Maybe I should go back to the random partying - LOL (and kidding btw)

What's a girl to do?

*sigh*

*glimpse*

So last night, I decided that after all the hard work that I've done for the day, that I deserved a drink. (As if I needed an excuse psshhhh)

Anyway, I'm sitting with a coworker and we begin to talk about the characters that we work with - and trust me, there are quite a few. The diversity of the kind of people I work with is a testament to this city in general. Proof positive that people move here for sh*ts and g*ggles (just as I did) and to soul search all the time. (Or, we're just a bunch of glorified f*ck ups - LOL) <--- Can you say Epic Fail?

The people that I work with or have worked with in the Nightlife Industry include a motocross pro, a former MLB player, a Golf Pro, a certified Pornstar, a ski pro, a couple of actors, a screen writer, a NYSE broker, etc. The list goes on and on and on. So I guess after that conversation, I didn't feel too bad about myself - LOL. I been saying it, we need a reality show.

**Etc for the day**

B-real from Cypress Hill is off the shizzy live and I enjoyed his set. I am uberly (yes, another "ism" of mine) proud of myself for having two glasses of champagne in four hours and a total of two cigarettes (I'm determined to quit and am well on my way). My crazy a*s coworker got toasted off his as* last night. Anyway, this dumb friend/coworker of mine (and I am allowed to call him dumb cause what he did WAS dumb) is so drunk that he can't even stand up. He runs into another male patron outside of the nightclub and proceeds to swear at the innocent bystander (who happens to be quite a large athletic male - LAM, who was easily twice his size). Drunken friend (DF) tries to to punch LAM, but is so drunk that LAM just side stepped him. LAM tries to leave it alone but dumb DF goes for him yet again, swings, misses and LAM socks him straight in the jaw. All of this happened not 15 feet from two Metro police officers, who were thankfully around a corner and not in their line of sight. Afraid that DF would get the beating of his life or arrested outside of our place of employment, I stand between the two, push my coworker off in the other direction (where he drunkenly kind of just kept going with the momentum) and I start to throw myself (and I am a horrible flirt) at Mr. LAM to distract him. I don't know how, but it somehow worked.

I get a text this morning from my drunken fool of a friend,

"I hate you right now, you let some f*cker sucker punch me last night."

My response:

"Hey dumba*s, it was your fault and you probably deserved it. At least you didn't get arrested. Take it like a f*cking man."

The reply?

"And that's why I love you b*tch."

True Story.

P.S. - I'm really not a b*tch. Around these parts, b*tch is a term of endearment. LOL.

*shrugs*

So I've been thinking lately (along with getting several different opinions from different friends) and I can't come to a decision about "the move." A good friend of mine brought up a very good point... that the life I'm living now is the life that I once wanted. It's 100% true... Once upon a time, I wanted to work in the Nightclub Industry - wanted to capitalize on the fact that I live in Vegas and can work at night making a decent income and return to school full time. I wanted to intern at a entertainment/fashion mag. I wanted to get my own place. I wanted to write. And I'm doing all of it. Crazy thing about it is that within a year's time, I was able to accomplish everything that I set my mind to. I guess that's just my tenacity at work.

A year ago I was living with my roommate and her boyfriend, confused about life and where I wanted to go. I had just starting working in the Industry and didn't know where it would take me. I began looking at different colleges and started to peruse my choices. I knew I wanted to write for something Industry related, perhaps entertainment... I just knew I wanted to write. I always said that working for a magazine would be a job that I would find interesting. I said I wouldn't live with a couple ever again (it ain't easy). And here I am, 12 months later, in my own place, interning at a magazine, blogging for the company I work for (it was my idea and now my blog will be linked in the company's website) and surpassing anyone's expectations of how far I would have gone or how long I would have lasted in the Industry. Again, I guess I have to say that it's my tenacity at work.

This leads me to ask myself, what is it that I think that I'm missing? What is it that I think that moving to Los Angeles will fulfill in my life? Am I just bored? Does this fall within the limits of, "I'm never satisfied?"

Sadly, I don't know the answer to any of those questions. I don't even know why I feel I need to go to LA, but for some odd reason, part of me does. It's not like there's anything out there for me - except for new opportunities. *shrugs* I guess the next best thing for me to do is to make a list of positives and negatives.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm unhappy with my life. I just feel like something is missing... and I can't quite put my finger on it. Either something's missing or I feel like something in my life can't be fulfilled by staying here. I just don't know.

Words of wisdom gladly welcomed.

<3 PiNKSoX

Up for interpretation

Starf*cks. Opium. The Book. Magic. Hustler. Peppercorn. Mormon. Jaded.

Where the fc*k is the waitress at with my drink?

Welcome to the good life.

Because I couldn't very well...

Leave the Typicality post on top.

Typicality

Alright, it's Thursday night and I'm messed up... [[LMAO]]

Today in recap? Went to work... Eh.

Left work on my lunch break to place some bets... Trying to be the good little daughter that I am. Put money on the Spurs at (- 13.5). Yay - they won. Woop de woo hoo... Sometimes I feel bad at how "short" I can be with Dad on the phone, but oh well... In my defense, I was in a hurry... *shrugs* But before you start thinking I'm a little brat, I went ahead and placed those bets didn't I? LOL. But at the same time, Dad lets me keep 55% of the winnings as an incentive to keep betting. PLUS, he puts in the capital. Not a bad proposition eh?

Left work to go to the Wynn to meet up with J to hit the slots for a bit. After 3 hours and 5 White Zins, I ended up even. I guess it's better than being under... Eh - whatever.

Met up with a former coworker who now works for another club in town. I missed him - and not in the way that you're thinking. He was my best friend in the biz. Met him the first day I started working and kinda never left him alone since. He's pretty much like my Industry Big Bro (other than Fabe who now works in Hollyhood, but thats another blog for another day). I don't understand why he even got into the biz in the first place - he's a golf pro. To each his own I guess... We send each other business (clients) though I'm sure that somewhere down the road (seeing as we both work for competing nightclubs) that may become a problem. I was actually supposed to accompany him to his club's outing (I'm to lazy to explain that so feel free to figure that out on your own) to a local high-end strip club. But alas, traffic was a biznatch and I ended up going straight home instead. Though, I must say that I feel like I missed out. The booze and the food at the strip clubs here are phenomenal. Plus I missed quality time with the bros. Alot of people think that because I have a ton of guy friends that I'm a ho, but in all reality, I'm really like the little sister they all never had.

Anywho, I'm off to bed. It'll be a looooonnng weekend what with the Porn Stars in town. My club's hosting two pretty big porn star parties. Should be interesting. Should be VERY interesting.

As a side note, I talked to a few more friends about moving today... Seems like there are quite a bit of mixed feelings. Timber (the Industry Big Bro that was mentioned previously) brought up a good point - that Fabe (my former boss for whom I was his Personal Assistant) has always taken care of me and he doesn't doubt that he would do the same if not more for me in LA. I can't even deny that that statement is true. Fabe runs one of the newer, hip and happening hot spots in Hollyhood and actually proposed a job to me back in October. The job is iffy though, as it depends on if they decide to expand the particular venue or not (what with the economy and all). In a nutshell though, if the particular venue is indeed expanded, then the job is a lock. On the other hand, J had also brought up a very good point, in that I should explore my options in Vegas before deciding to move to LA on a whim (I mean it is, what it is).

*UGH*

**Note to self: stop drunk texting people whom you are not sure are friends or not. It is not a winning proposition and in fact, makes you look like a total dumba*s. Especially when you already know that the recipient of the drunk text already probably doesn't respect you and probably won't respect you more because of the amount of alcohol consumed. Fc*k, I know I'm drunk but it needs to be said... Being a girl is tough. Oops, that sounded like a partial pity party - my bad. hahahahahhahaha***

I am so going to read this tomorrow and be tempted to delete it. DO NOT DELETE. It's fun to read sh*t that's said when drunk.

I need to come to a decision sooner or later about LA. Yes, random, I know. Please don't expect congruity when I'm relatively wasted. Anyway, I think I'm going to take a trip out there soon, for a few days. I'm sure that it will help me to decide.

Ever see the movie, "Along Came Polly?" Single gal who runs away from everything or just tries sh*t out for no reason at all? Well yeah, that's pretty much how I am. You only live once right? I mean if LA doesn't work out, then I can always come back to Vegas or try another city... It's not like I have anything to lose.

What did another friend say? Oh yeah... That I have an attitude as if "I stepped in a pile of sh*t and put on another pair of shoes to step in as new pile of sh*t with the attitude that I can put on another pair of shoes whenever I want."

Pfftttt... As offended as I was at that analogy, I can't deny that he was right about it. But isn't that how you should go about living life? With the attitude that you can always change if you want to? *UGH*

I am the proverbial single woman who is pretty much damaged goods. I may as well as see what life has to offer me right? (As pathetic as that sounds and as messed up [read: drunk] as I
am right now, I can't deny that THAT is the absolute truth). All I can do is see where life brings me and what it has to offer.

::deuces::

PinKSoX

*ugh*

Since when did I go from working nights to working days behind a desk? I remember when I used to be able to leisurely wake up around noon-ish. Now I'm up at 8am. *ugh*

I used to love my job. Keyword = used to. That was until they made me sit behind a desk all day. Slave drivers.

There's Reason #1 for why I need to get the heck out of dodge.

Random note: AVN and CES conventions are in town again. Welcome porn stars and geeks to Sin City. Funny how the two are "coincidentally" booked simultaneously every year. Pfftttt to "coincidentally". It's going to be one interesting weekend.

random thought of the day

I have this thing hooked up to my crackberry (blackberry) and it amuses me. Darn thing lights up with a "notification"when a friend writes to a friend, comments on another mutual friend's whatever-whatnot and tells me when people get together, break up or when their lives get "complicated". Talk about a social network.

I just think it's funny how we're all so darn nosey that we love to find out what's happening in other people's lives, even if it is just to keep in touch with old friends or for marketing purposes (both of which I am guilty of).

I mean it's kinda crazy that it'll tell you that so and so commented on such and such's status, and so and so wrote this and that to some other so and so, who is in a relationship that just got complicated, while some other so and so is on their way to the grocery store and then off to tan after going to the gym.

Next thing I know, my crackberry's going to tell me that someone on facebook went to take a piss while going through a divorce because they made the mistake of sleeping with a hooker and gambling away their life savings.

LOL.

I think my benadryl just kicked in. G'night ~ ::PiNKSoX::

Home Phoned

Mood: Indecisive and suffering from insomnia

Dad called.... He wanted me to go to two different sportsbooks in town today (to compare the lines). Yes, I am my father's little bookie. *sigh* I didn't even leave my apartment today (as much as I wanted to). He wasn't too happy about that, but thank goodness he's not all that mad and understands that I'm feeling under the weather.

Unhappy father + Me = No Bueno

Dad's been gambling since I was born. No, seriously, he started gambling on sports when I was born. LOL. I'm not too sure what I think about that, but whatever. I grew up around it, I'm used to it. I used to take phone calls for Dad when I was younger and scribble messages that sounded like "two on the 49ers." I filled in line sheets and recorded wins and losses for extra spending money. Been around it my whole life, literally. Mom tried to keep me away from it, but what can I say? It's in my blood. I probably shouldn't have mentioned any of that, but oh well... The beauty of a blog.

He's been running really good lately. He mostly straight bets, but once in a while he'll put in a big parlay. Personally, I really don't like talking to him or being around him when he runs bad - he gets a little annoying.

Anyway, I brought up the subject of my moving to Los Angeles when my parents were in town last week. In a nutshell, they support me wholeheartedly (after making me explain in detail, my reasons for wanting to move). I really didn't expect that... I honestly expected them to call me crazy and tell me to stay put. Then again, they didn't call me crazy when I moved to Vegas on a heartbroken whim. And now that I'm thinking about it, they didn't even try to stop me. Hmm... SMH

The second thing out of Dad's mouth after his show of support?

"Do they allow sportsbetting in California? Please check on that right away."

*sigh* The life of the daughter of a gambler.

If my life had a theme song...

<3

::PiNKSoX::

The beginning of the rest of my life

Mood: sick and confused

People always use that phrase when they reminisce... I'm not going to apologize for cursing or my style of writing (since it's not all too profession-ale) - after all, that is why I created this blog to begin with, to write openly and freely ... And yes, that was a mental note to myself. I remember what I thought was the beginning of the rest of my life and now I feel like I'm at one of those crucial junctures that in the future I'll be able to once again call, "The beginning of the rest of my life." I don't even know if that made sense.

The end of a failing, miserable, fc*ked up relationship was the beginning of the rest of my life. He was a complete and total a*shole (who was abusive both physically and verbally), but at the time, I thought he was the world. How effing more wrong could I have been? And before you get me wrong, this isn't a "pity party," I'm really just venting. Anyway, when me and Dumba*s split, it lit a fire under my a*s and pissed me off more than anything.

**as a side note, I should mention that despite the failed (hella fc*ked up) relationship, we're now friends. Oh, and not like that either. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole - LOL. It's more of a "we've been together for so long that we know each other way too well" friendship.**

Anyway, what was my solution to the break-up? Drop my entire life and move to Las Vegas. Everyone thought I was crazy, but deep down inside, I knew I was doing the right thing. Part of me knew that I was running away and I'm not that naive to be able to admit that. At the time, I was a Life and Financial Services Agent for one of the top Insurance companies in America. I wasn't doing too shabby at all - made my own schedule and sales appointments, worked when I wanted to... Made an obscene amount of money for very little work (there's a sales job for you). I dropped it all, shipped my car and started my life all over again. Call it a whim, call it sh*ts and giggles... Somehow, I made it work and am not doing bad at all. I've been through a ton of experiences, none of which I would change for the world. Makes me who I am... I needed to start all over again to find myself. I had lost my sense of self in the seven (yes, that's right seven) year relationship.

I always knew that Las Vegas wouldn't be forever, but rather that it was a pit stop in the journey that is my life. Now, as I did two years ago, I stand in the middle of a fork in the road. Do I stay? Do I go (to Los Angeles)?

There isn't anything tying me down to anything (ie: relationship). I'll be honest, it can get a whole lot lonely, but freedom has it's perks. Then again, maybe I'm just bitter from my last relationship (yes, yes, I'm damaged goods).

*ugh*

As of right now, I'm 90% sure I want to move and I'm too lazy to get into the details of why, though I'm sure I'll write about it sooner or later.

**today's etc**

I called in sick from work today... I couldn't even get out of bed this morning. Way too tired after all the work they had me doing over the holidays. I used to love my job. *ugh* Now, with the changes that they've made - what I'm doing no longer makes sense in the grand scheme of things. I hate laying around the house and being lazy. I hate being worried that one of the directors or the owner will get pissed at me for being sick (and this is the first time that I've ever called in - I usually work through it). At least my dog actually got to spend some time with me... I hate that I caught a cold from my dingbat coworkers. Who knows where they've been or should I say what they've been in? Sometimes just being in the same room as them makes me feel dirty. *Yuck* **Note to self: bring more antibacterial hand gel**

xOxO ~

::Pink Sox::

Curling my toes

I'm really just a small town girl trying to make it in the big bad world (as cliché as that sounds). I'm a total romantic at heart. I would love to see the world through rose colored lenses (but believe me, I know better). If there were such things as fairy godmothers, I would have wished that someone would have warned me. I would've never thought my life would have ended up this way.

What do I mean by that? Well, in my former life I was an award winning 3.9 GPA student, a former Presidential Scholar, a pageant princess and an active volunteer in my community. In my current life, I'm a random girl who moved to Vegas after suffering a horrifying relationship and a nasty break-up who now works in the Nightlife Industry while interning at a Lifestyle, Entertainment and Fashion Magazine.

Seriously though, I'm not complaining. I'm not a total fc*k up. It's just that things didn't turn out the way I thought they would - but what does nowadays? My life isn't that bad and I know it could be worse. Nor am I whining, it's just that life has just turned out a little complicated. So complicated in fact that I began an anonymous blog (which I should have done to begin with). Why? Basically to reminisce and shoot the sh*t, talk about work, things that amuse or confuse me and life in general. What can I say? I love the written word... I'm a writer at heart, always have been, always will be.

Sooo... I made My Curled Toes. Everyone's first blog entry is usually poignant and somewhat of a good read. I'm a writer at heart, but this blog isn't meant to be touching, heartwarming or poignant. I have other blogs that I can devote all that energy to.

So why My Curled Toes? I know the name sounds a bit dirty, but it's not meant to be.

As a little girl I would always curl my toes when I felt particularly uncomfortable... But I must say, it's gotten a little hard to curl my toes in 6" heels (but that doesn't mean I still don't try). So here's to curling my toes, living my life and smiling all along the way.

X0X0

<3

::Pink Sox::