Face Down

Craziness... I heard about this earlier this week and was a bit taken aback. I guess you can't be too famous to be ghetto [LOL]. In all honesty, though take it from someone who actually understands what it's like. Wow.

Down Time

Just got home from class and wow was it amazingly hard to get up at 8am this morning. I didn't do a darned thing last night except for relax after what turned out to be a long day. I actually fell asleep while watching Slumdog Millionaire, immediately after getting off of the phone with the "dreaded ex," who is not so much the dreaded ex as he is a friend. Did I just admit to owning a bootleg? Eh. Oh well. LOL.

Apparently the Ex's new GF with whom the situation is "complicated," (and that's based off of what he tells me - personally I don't really care), is insecure and jealous that we remain friends. I stay the f*ck out of it and told him that he needs to handle his business, because I don't need her g*ddamn drama. He says it's her last ditch effort to keep him around as he's moving out (they live together) next week. As I said earlier, I don't really care. We were together for 7 years and basically went through a lot of growing pains together. It's really tough to not remain friends as we know each other like the backs of our own hands. Relationship wise, it's done AND done. I wouldn't dream of even being in any kind of romantic relationship with the dude. *shrugs* In fact, I tell him EVERYTHING that goes on in my life now.

I spent the larger part of 6 hours at a photo shoot yesterday. Just not my thing. Hopefully I get some kind of shots that I'm happy with out of this one. I think the last time I shot anything on that grand of a scale was in 2004 in Hawaii. That photographer (Russell Tanoue) was absolutely amazing and a pleasure to work with. It's just too much of a fuss and too much work! Yes, taking pictures is hard work and surprisingly exhausting.

On a random note, I've begin to call myself the girl version of Chuck (as in Good Luck Chuck). Seems like everyone that I seem to find myself "associated" with either has a girlfriend or fiancee, with whom they conveniently "forget" to mention. Dear L*rd living in Las Vegas is making me a bonafide homewrecker. It's like, "Get with her and you'll find the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life immediately after!" I'm kidding BTW. I'm just not that kind of girl. It just gets tough when Mr. X still wants to "keep in touch" after leaving town and after I am aware of the relationship. And believe me, I'm no homewrecker. I still can't figure out what it is about me that makes me seem to be "that girl." One of my coworkers thinks that it's because I'm completely easy-going and extremely easy to get along with. I guess I'm really good at getting others to feel comfortable around me. *shrugs* I should write a book. It's amazing the situations I find myself in. Absolutely amazing. I mean I'm always down to be anyone's friend, but not at my expense nor theirs. *shrugs*

G*d damn maybe I should be a hermit - then life would be more simple. LOL - I seriously need to write a book. Trust me, this blog might be "anonymous," but I'm still cautious about the facts and details that I disclose. Believe me, if you knew of it, it would blow your mind at how amazingly "unlucky" I am. For some odd reason, things that usually wouldn't happen, or have a slim to none chance of happening, tend to happen to me. I'm waiting for those odds to work in my favor so I can either win the lottery or the Megabucks. HA!

This town is absolute madness. I just have to keep telling myself everyday that I'm in it to win it. In it for me and my future. That I need to sacrifice a little in order to gain a lot.

:PinKSoX:

The Vitruvian Man

[Pondering] ...the meaning of life is absolutely pointless.

I really should be studying for my Sociology, Latin and Astrology classes, but instead I'm taking the time to blog about absolute randomness.

Once upon a time I used to get philosophical with myself and try to determine the rhyme and reason for everything that happens. In essence, question my life and my reason for being. Now I'm old enough to know better. I mean at it's very basic (in my opinion), life is all about making choices and dealing with the consequences. In talking to a really good childhood friend today, I came to the realization that dealing with life means becoming mentally fit to handle the situations you are given, whether they be decisions that need to be made, have made or will make, or the simple acceptance of reality.

I've become a great deal jaded since moving to Sin City and I'm beginning to wonder if I am so because of the separation that exists between myself and my environment. Everyone eventually evolves to becomes the product of their environment (basic anthropology) and I am trying desperately to cling to the small portion of me that is that small-town girl. My jadedness is either a direct result of that, or possibly because I've become so bored with myself and my life that it takes a great deal to excite me these days. Crazy as it sounds, I'm hoping it's the former versus the latter. Seems like these days the most successful people are like robots. Thinking, computing, calculating and doing, without any emotion whatsoever.


Logic is greater than emotion 99% of the time.

So as part of me still ponders where it is that I belong in this big, bad world, the other 80% of me functions without stopping to even ask the simple question of, "why?" Which, of course leads me to the obvious - Am I simply choosing to exist or am I actually living my life? And if I'm simply choosing to exist, then does it really matter for me to continue to chase the elusive proverbial, "happily ever after?" (And by this I mean the proverbial happy ending, not etitrely specific to the whole Prince Charming, white picket fence deal)

Beware young'ns out there - the mid-mid-life crisis bites. I guess that's what life is all about - living, loving, laughing and self-discovery.

The child in me wants to stay a romantic at heart, remain naive, see the world through rose-colored lenses and believe that there is some good in the world. The woman in me knows better, in that there is no such thing as actual "good," morals are extremely relative and majority of the world is out there to get their own.

At the end of the day, all I can hope for is a smile on my face and the feeling of some sort of contentment without completely losing myself and conforming to the mold.

Perhaps the only formula for success is the unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings... I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you set no condition. ~ Arthur Rubinstein

Veni.Vidi.Vici.

**as a side note, I noticed I never finished my post on last weekend. Eh, it's a lost cause at this point. This past weekend was longer than the previous, didn't think that would be possible. *shrugs*

Monday *ugh* My Weekend Part 1

**I just read this after I posted and I want to apologize for the terrible writing. I have an amazingly huge headache and honestly just feel like sh*t.**

I had a rough weekend. Probably one of the rougher ones that I've had in a while. Friday started with me wearing business attire to work (which never happens, I'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl). That should have gave me a clue that the weekend would be "outside the box". I ended up opting for a pencil skirt and blouse rather than the usual jeans and tee since I had a fresh and brand new tattoo on my left foot. The day went by quickly, I left the office, ate dinner on property* and headed to the club to work. Got off of work at 1230am and decided to head over to another local club. One of my homeboy's from the Bay (he's a marketing and talent freelance agent), had booked Tila Tequila and wanted me to come say hello. As tired as I was, I decided to get over there cause everytime Nate's in town I never get to hang out. I get to said nightclub and am amazingly tired and sober - a bad combination. I also was a little anxious as I hadn't been to this particular property since I was drugged (yes, I was drugged with GHB but not assaulted). Once I'm inside the club I head straight back to the VIP section where Nate is and the bouncer gives me a little bit of a hard time. I quickly learned that the reason the dude gave me a hard time was because Nate was actually at Tila's table. She's pretty cool, def down to earth in person and really tiny. I somehow thought she was a bit taller *shrugs* I hung out for a little while until a girl that was outside of the VIP section had tried to throw her drink at Tila, but ended up hitting me instead (I was standing directly in front of Tila). Fan-freaking-tastic. So, my wet back (and no, I'm not Mexican) caused my early departure.

Great indication of things to come...

To be continued...